Do You Control Your Anger? Or Does it Control You?  Strategies for Managing Unhealthy Anger

Introduction

What pushes your buttons?

• A traffic jam on your way to work?
• Children doing the exact opposite of what you ask?
• Co-workers not carrying their load?
• A checkout line that moves at a snail's pace?

The frustrations of everyday life can get to everyone from time to time. But people who tend to blow up a lot or quietly seethe with rage may be jeopardizing their health. Studies have linked excessive anger and hostility to an increased risk of heart attack, stroke, and high blood pressure.

Explore this site to learn how extreme anger affects health and how to cope with these unhealthy feelings.

When Is Anger a Problem?

When Anger Damages the Heart

Anger is not always unhealthy. In fact, it is often justified. If someone attacks your opinion as stupid or cuts you off on the highway, you wouldn't be human if you didn't feel at least a little anger.

At the same time, excessive anger can cause high levels of stress. Over time, this can contribute to heart disease and stroke. For instance, older men who had trouble controlling their anger had three times the risk of heart disease than men with low levels of anger.

Researchers have pinpointed two particularly unhealthy responses to anger:

* Frequently blowing up in anger or exhibiting a lot of hostility

* Suppressing negative emotions

Psychologists say that some people are quicker to anger than others. These people simply have a lower tolerance for frustration and inconvenience. How intensely people feel anger also varies, experts say.

Genetics may partially explain these differences. Evidence suggests that some babies are born more irritable and grouchy than others. However, cultural or family influences also play a role. For example, in some social groups, it is not considered proper to express anger openly.

How to Tell if Anger Is a Problem

If you suspect that you have a problem with anger, try asking yourself the following questions:

• Do you blow up a lot—often over minor incidents or frustrations?
• Are you often hostile or unfriendly when responding to others?
• Do you feel grumpy and irritable more often than not?
• When something upsets you, do you clam up or become more quiet than usual?
• Do you tend to sulk and mull over your angry feelings for hours or days?
• Have your friends or family commented on your anger?
• Have your personal relationships suffered because of your anger?

If you answered "yes" to one or more of these questions, you may need to examine how you deal with anger.

Tactics for Diffusing Anger

Researchers are finding that people can change their characteristic responses to anger. In one study, heart attack patients received counseling on reducing anger and hostility. Over the next 4.5 years, this group of patients had about 50% fewer subsequent heart attacks than a control group. All patients had so-called "Type A" personalities, characterized by hostility, impatience, and anxiety.

Experts suggest seven tactics for coping with anger:

1. Work Exercise into Your Life

2. Ask Yourself if It's Worth it to Get Angry

3. Coping with Everyday Frustrations

4. Examine How You Communicate

5. Try a Little Humor

6. Look for Alternatives

7. Consider Counseling, if Necessary

1. Work Exercise into Your Life

Regular exercise has been shown to reduce stress and improve mood—which makes it easier to cope with life's daily ups and downs.

Yoga and other exercises designed to encourage relaxation may be particularly effective. In one study, participants who took a 60-minute yoga class once a week scored lower on anger tests than those who did not.

2. Ask Yourself if It's Worth Getting Angry

When you start to feel yourself getting angry, take a few seconds to ask yourself:

• Is this important enough to get angry over?
• Do I have any control over this? Can I change things for the better?

For many of life's inconveniences—such as long checkout lines or traffic jams—you'll probably find yourself answering "no" to one or both of these questions. It's usually not worth your time to get angry in these situations.

However, if you answer "yes" to both questions, it may be worth taking action.

3. Coping with Everyday Frustrations

Try breaking tension by taking several deep breaths and relaxing your muscles. You might slowly repeat a calming word or phrase, such as "peace" or "I can handle this." Soothing music also can help. So can visualizing yourself relaxing in a favorite restful spot.

4. Examine How You Communicate

Many situations that breed anger involve other people. In these situations, it helps to understand that one person's anger often feeds on another's. For instance, if someone says something hostile to you, it's natural to want to lash back with your own hostile comment—or to storm out of the room.

But where do these scenarios usually end up? Often with a lot of hurt or unresolved feelings—and possibly worse.

So controlling anger involves knowing how not to anger others—as well as how to cope with your own feelings.

Easier said than done? Try these strategies the next time you're faced with a heated discussion:

• When angry, count to 10 before speaking. Take a deep breath to calm yourself down. If possible, take a walk around the block.
• Try to speak as calmly and logically as possible. Try not to say the first thing that comes into your head. Instead, take a deep breath and think carefully about what you want to say.
• Listen respectfully to what the other person has to say.
• Avoid all-or-nothing phrases, such as "you always" and " you never," which tend to alienate others.
• Don't make demands ("I must have..." or "I want..."). Instead, politely state your desires and needs ("I would like..." or "It upsets me when you...").
• If one of you is too angry to continue, suggest continuing the discussion later.

Finally, listen to how you think. If you think in angry and negative terms, you'll be more likely to speak and behave that way, too. For instance, try replacing irrational, dramatic thoughts ("This is a catastrophe!") with rational, calm ones ("We'll get through this.").

5. Try a Little Humor

Humor can be an effective antidote for anger. It can quickly defuse tense feelings and help put things into perspective. One simple trick is to put pictures to the phrases you use in anger. Let's say a friend is "driving you up the wall." Try picturing this friend driving a bulldozer and chasing you up the wall of a skyscraper.

But don't go too far and make light of a serious situation. Also, be careful if you find yourself slipping into nasty sarcasm. Sarcasm is sometimes another unhealthy way that people express anger.

6. Look for Alternatives

Do you typically get angry or upset only in certain situations? For several weeks, keep a record of when and where you get angry. Then see if certain trends or triggers become apparent. For instance, maybe you'll find that crowded stores set you off.

Then see if there are ways to change these situations or find alternatives. For example, you might plan your grocery shopping for early or late in the day, so you avoid the crowds.

7. Consider Counseling, if Necessary

Need some extra help with anger? Talk to your doctor about anger management counseling. She or he can refer you to a mental health professional.