When Stress Gains the Upper Hand:
Tips for Taking Back Your Life and Your Health

Introduction

It's a gorgeous, sunny morning.  But you barely notice as you madly dash through traffic.  Your refrigerator is on the fritz, but you can't afford a new one...and you've got to make it to your son's baseball game this evening...and you've got that deadline today...and then you remember your sister's birthday...was yesterday.

Life wouldn't be life without some stress.

In fact, stress can be good for you if it provides challenges and motivation. But when you're constantly frazzled and unable to enjoy pleasant activities, it's time to ask if stress is taking a negative toll.

Research shows that chronic stress harms the heart and makes you more likely to have a heart attack. It also can reduce your body's ability to fight infections. Stress even dulls your memory and thinking skills.

But how can you find a healthy balance between too little and too much stress? The following strategies can help get you started.

Take Stock of Stressors

The first step to "de-stressing" your life is to determine what it is that's causing the trouble. Try keeping a diary for a week or so in which you note situations that cause anxiety and other negative feelings.

Don't make this diary another stress point in your day. Just jot down a word or two about earlier occurrences whenever you have a few seconds—for example, "8 a.m. traffic jam."

At the end of the week, spend some time thinking about what makes high-stress activities stressful. For instance, you might ask yourself the following questions about a stressful event:

• Do I have any control over this situation?
• Am I taking on more than I can handle?
• Am I trying to meet my own goals or needs, or those of someone else?
• Are my own goals or expectations realistic?
• Are environmental influences—such as the noise of the TV—making the situation worse?

Change those stresses that you can

You can ease your overall stress burden by making changes where you can—even small ones. To help you identify where to make changes, try asking yourself the following questions:

• Can I skip this or cut back? To accurately answer this question, you may need to identify your goals and ambitions. Once you know what your priorities are, then you can better evaluate the importance of something.
• Can I share or delegate? For instance, if driving your children to various activities is taking up a lot of time, maybe you can set up a carpool with other responsible parents.
• Can I change my environment somehow to help?
• For instance, is the clutter in your office adding stress? Put aside 10 minutes at the end of every day and begin attacking the mess.
• Are there less stressful alternatives? For instance, if crowds make you anxious, avoid grocery shopping during peak hours.

Check Your Attitudes, Perceptions, and Reactions

Some situations, such as an unreasonable deadline or a sick child, are stressful in and of themselves. But others become stressful—or more stressful—due to attitudes, perceptions, or reactions.

Research shows that Type A personality types are more susceptible to heart disease. These people tend to be competitive, impatient, and rushed.

Other personality traits also can raise stress levels, according to one study on women of various ages. These include:

• perfectionism
• a need to control
• pessimism
• inflexibility
• fear of others' opinions or change
• lack of assertiveness or self-confidence.

The first step in changing a problem trait is recognizing the issue and making an effort to change. For instance, if you tend to rush through meals, try putting your fork down after each bite and savoring your food. Or, if you tend to be a perfectionist, identify a few areas—such as housecleaning—where you can relax your standards.

During Major Stress Periods

You won't be able to delegate or streamline every stressful situation. Life comes with its share of demanding times—from getting married or promoted to dealing with the loss of a loved one or an overly demanding job.

Sometimes the only way around difficulties is to go through them. But the following strategies can help ease your stress:

• Credit yourself with the skills and abilities to deal with the situation. Try to view the experience as a challenge that will help you grow.
• Focus on one task at a time. Once you finish that, check it off your list and pick another one.
• Reserve some time every day for enjoyable activities, such as a hobby. Pleasurable activities can help balance out the stress of unpleasant ones.
• Seek support from friends and family.
• Treat yourself to a massage, which has been shown to lower stress hormones.

Don't Let Daily Hassles Derail You

Maybe it's the copier that spits out blanks, the checkout line that doesn't move, or the vending machine that eats your money. Sometimes, it's the little things that send you over the edge.

To help prevent over-stressing, ask yourself if you have any control over the situation. If not, try these tactics:

• Take a few deep breaths and picture a soothing scene.
• Try to find humor in the situation. Laughing releases tension and helps you cope.
• Take a break and come back later.